Banter in the Dark
by KeepingAmused
Summary: Just a script-style outlaw squabble. Poor Much is getting bullied - as per usual. Robin is being his cocky self. Slight RobinMarian WillDjaq if you squint.
1. Blindly cleaning

John: "Much. What are you doing?"

Much: "Seeing as you won't move, I'm cleaning around you..."

Robin: "Cleaning in the middle of the night? Just leave John alone and go to sleep..."

Much: "Master, I'll have you know – it's actually morning, but the days are incredibly short these days. Hence the sun is delayed..."

Robin: "Much. Please. It's the middle of Winter. I'd be happy if you'd leave the spring cleaning for Spring."

John: "Hmph."

Djaq: "Please be careful of those vials, they are very delicate."

Much: "Alright, Djaq!"

Djaq: "Just don't break them."

Much: "Fine, fine. I won't go near those dusty horrors.."

Will: "Stop that."

Much: "What!? I'm cleaning, for Heaven's sake!"

Will: "Leave it alone. I'm still working on it."

Much: "Why is everybody so fussy over their belongings?"

Will: "You'll probably break it."

Much: "It's made from wood, for Lord's sake. It won't break if I run a rag over it..."

John: "It broke."

Much: "Oh dear...No it didn't! Oh, per-lease, Little John. Don't even try to make a joke because, believe me, they're not amusing in the very slightest."

Robin: "I actually saw him panic, that was pretty funny..."

(Djaq giggles)

Much: "I thought you were all asleep, anyway."

Robin: "If you wish. We're asleep. Now, _hush_."

Will: "Well put. Night."

Much: "Being the only one kind enough to do housework before you all wake, I will not be hushed -"

John: "HUSH."

Much: "In fact, I have the right to sing!"

Djaq: "Oh, Allah...Here it comes."

Will: "Robin – make him be quiet."

John: "Much. Shut. Up."

Robin: "Much!"

Much: "_All the hearts of the loved ones who_ – what?"

Robin: "Quiet. Did you hear that?"

Much: "Hear what, Master?..."

Robin: "That noise."

Much: "What? What noise?"

John: "Bats."

Much: "John, I won't fall for it...

silence

Much: ...Where?"

Djaq: "There. Look! I saw one fly past..."

Much: (whispers) "Stop it."

Will: "I saw it, too."

Much: "Oh, I bet you did, wood-boy."

Will: "Wood boy?"

John: "There."

Much: "Oh my God. It's in my kitchen."

Will: "I don't get it. Wood boy?"

Djaq: " - You _are_ a carpenter, Will."

Much: "It's in the camp...it's in the camp...oh my God, it's in the camp..."

Djaq: "I don't think we'll ever sleep at this rate."

Will: "I think you should stop the game, Robin."

Robin: "Ha ha ha. Much, what's so frightening about 'rats with wings'?"

Much: "They have fangs, you know."

Djaq: "Well, even tiny mice have teeth."

Much: "So do the castle dogs."

Robin: "And so does _Satan_. Good night."

silence

Much: (scoffs) "...There were no bats."

Will: "I know."

Much: "Well, if you're all finished teasing me, I'll get back to dusting this old -"

Djaq: "Much!"

Much: "What?"

Djaq: "That's my _foot_."

Much: "Sorry."

silence

Much: Oof! What's this?"

Djaq: "That's my other foot. It tickles. Stop it."

Will: "Just get away from her, will you?"

Much: "Sorry, sorry; I thought it was a bunk post. Honestly. Calm down, wood-boy..."

Will: "Stop callin' me that, alright?"

Much: "Wood boy?"

Will: "Yeah."

silence

Much: "...Does it bother you?"

Will: "Yeah. It does."

Much: "May I ask why? Considering you do a lot of whittling, you'd think somebody would have called you..."

Djaq: "Much. If somebody is sensitive to certain name it may be best to just leave it."

Much: "You all call _me_ names!"

John: "You're right. Now go to sleep, fat face."

Much: "F-Fat face?"

Will: "Ohh, does it bother you?"

Much: "Yes, actually. I'm deeply hurt. See, Djaq – none of them are being very sensitive of my feelings-"

Djaq: (sighs) "Fine. I'm very sorry. Here -"

Much: "Oh. Um. Thanks."

Will: (snorts) "You got a kiss. Are you happy?"

Much: "...Perhaps."

John: "Good."

Much: "I'll just quickly finish this bunk post, then I'll leave have a rest."

silence

Djaq: "Much – my foot, _again_."

Much: "Sorry."

- -- -- -- --


	2. Sweet talk

Djaq: "Will."

Will: "Hmm."

Djaq: "Are you asleep?"

Much: "Well he's not anymore. Neither am I, for that matter."

Djaq: "I'm sorry. Go back to sleep, Much."

Much: "Don't mind if I do..."

silence

Djaq: "Will..."

Will: "Somming wrong?"

Djaq: "Were you asleep or – could I ask you something?"

Will: "What is it? Are you hurt?"

Djaq: "I was just wondering..."

Will: "Yeah?"

Djaq: "Stop rushing me. I was just thinking about the other day, when we bumped into those women in Locksley."

Will: "Who?"

Djaq: "Oh, you know. The pretty girl and her sister."

Will: "Pretty girl...?"

Djaq: "Both of them had long red hair and blue eyes...Helena and somebody."

Much: "The ginger twins?"

Will: "What the -"

Djaq: "Much! Will you go back to sleep? This is a private conversation."

Much: "Your whispering is very awakening, I must say."

Djaq: "I'll be quieter. Good night."

silence

Will: "What about Helena?"

Djaq: "Were you two childhood sweethearts?"

Will: " - What?"

Djaq: "I was just wondering as one does..."

Will: "No! - 'course not. No."

Djaq: "Oh."

Will: "What gave you that idea?"

Djaq: "She seemed quite friendly towards you when recalling those memories of you two in that barn. Was it the barn? Well, I was just curious. That's all."

Will: "Hmm. The barn."

Djaq: "She mentioned something about a barn."

Will: "I put a frog in her petticoats in that barn."

(Djaq laughs)

Much: "Shhh!"

Djaq: "Sorry."

silence

Will: "My mother used to be suspicious about me pranking Helena in the barns. But we were just like brother and sister – nothin' else."

Djaq: "Naturally."

Will: "And she said – my mother – that I'd one day have better things to confess to a girl in that barn."

Djaq: "Confess what?"

Will: "Erm. Not sure. Love and stuff. Proposals, that sort of thing."

Djaq: "I see. I suppose it was a romantic place before the sheriff tore it down."

Will: "So I've been told."

Djaq: "It'd be ironic if you did, someday, take part in a romantic gesture in a barn."

Will: "Mmh."

Djaq: "Good night."

Will: "Night, Djaq."

Much: "Good night to the both of you!"

- -- - --


	3. Dreams and disturbance

Robin: "Morning."

Djaq: "..Hmm?"

Will: "Whassa time?"

Robin: "What a beautiful day."

Will: "Erm. Robin, we just got to sleep."

Robin: "...More beautiful in daylight, my love..."

Will: "My l-love?"

Robin: "...I can't resist..."

Will: "What the -"

(Djaq giggles)

Robin: "Your eyes...your hair..."

Will: "Djaq. What's Robin doing?"

Djaq: "He's sleep-talking."

Will: "Oh."

Djaq: "And most probably dreaming of Marian."

Robin: "...Marian..."

Will: "Yeah."

Much: "Mmmh. Master?"

John: "Who's moaning?"

Djaq: "Robin."

Much: "Why is he moaning? What's _wrong_ with him?"

John: "He's possessed."

Much: "Master. Come here -"

Djaq: "What are you doing?"

Much: "I'm going to wake him up, _look_ – he's walking out of the camp."

Djaq: "Much, it's dangerous to wake up somebody who's sleep walking."

Much: "Well, fine. I'll just _guide_ him in the other direction..."

Will: "Did he never sleep walk in the Holy Lands?"

Much: "No. He had many nightmares. But he never walked out of the tents."

Djaq: "Good thing, too. He would have been shot."

Robin: "...Gisbourne...piece of filth..."

Much: "Master, please, it hurts -"

Robin: "She will never be yours..."

(Will snorts)

Much: "Oww. He keeps struggling."

John: "Here, I'll help you."

Much: "Thank you."

Robin: "Marian?...Oh, you're safe..."

Much: "That's better. He's calming down."

Robin: "...My love..."

Much: "Oh my."

silence

John: "Much."

Much: "Yes?"

John: "Get Robin off me."

(Djaq giggles)

Much: "Oh – yes. Yes, of course. _Ahem_, Master?"

Robin: "...Mariann..."

John: "Ahem."

Djaq: "Allow me."

John: "How did you do that?"

Djaq: "My father taught me. Just press that nerve and he will relax immediately. There, just place him on the bunk."

John: "Witchcraft."

Much: "Why didn't you do that before!?"

Djaq: "I found the picture of Robin embracing John's arm was rather amusing."

(Will laughs)

-- -- --


	4. Prodding wounds

**These conversations all take place in the beginning of Season 2.**

John: "...A boy called John."

silence

Djaq: "That was such a beautiful song."

Much: "It was so – _sad_."

John: "Alice sings it every night."

Djaq: "To Little, Little John?"

(John sighs)

Will: "Do you still check up on them?"

Djaq: "Your family, we mean."

John: "No."

Much: "Ah."

Djaq: "Why not?"

John: "I don't want to spy on them."

Will: "Oh."

Much: "It's hard to face, I suppose, living in the forest when your wife and child are all alone in the middle of Locksley -"

Will: "Much."

Much: " - although, she probably has no idea whether you're alive or dead and your son probably asks about you all the time -"

Djaq: "Much, shh!"

Much: "And all your wife can do is sing and hope for the best -"

Djaq: "Much."

Much: "Sorry."

John: "Thank you."

silence

Will: "John?"

Djaq: "He's asleep."

(Robin laughs)

Much: "Oh, Master, you're awake."

Robin: "Yes. Was that John singing?"

Much: "Indeed."

Robin: "I thought it was Will."

(Djaq giggles)

Will: "Oi."

Robin: "I'm just saying – you both have low voices."

Djaq: "But one notices a bit of a difference between John and Will's vocals."

Much: "How?"

Robin: "John says 'we DO NOT do' at the end of every sentence."

Djaq: "And John's is deeper, almost like a growl. Will's voice is a little bit -"

silence

Will: "What?"

Djaq: "Softer, I suppose."

Will: "Oh."

Much: "Can we stop talking about voices?"

Robin: "Alright."

silence

Robin: "Well, friends, what d'you want to talk about?"

(Will yawns)

Djaq: "You're usually the one who tells everybody to shut up and sleep."

Robin: "We're not infiltrating the castle tomorrow, though."

Djaq: "There might be nobles on the North Road, early in the morning."

Robin: "Good point. But I still can't sleep."

(Much groans)

Will: "Count sheep."

Robin: "Where?"

Much: "What sheep...?"

Will: "In your head. My mother used to tell me to count sheep, in my head, to help me drift off."

Robin: "_My_ mother told me to drink some milk and stroke up the fire."

Will: "But we never had any cows."

Robin: "Oh. Of course. Did you never buy any milk from the farmers?"

Will: "We weren't nobles."

Robin: "But your family were very skilled carpenters."

Will: "Until Dad lost his hand. That was before you came back from the Crusades."

Robin: "You took up your father's craftsmanship. That surely put food on the table until I -"

Will: "We had no mother to cook the food."

Robin: "Right."

silence

Much: "Master, you're beginning to depress me."

Robin: "I'm sorry."

silence

Robin: "But this is what we're fighting for, isn't it?"

Will: "For the poor."

Robin: "For all of England who are suffering."

Much: " - Here we go -"

Robin: "We are Robin Hood!"

Much, Djaq, Will: "_We are Robin Hood!_"

(John snores)

silence

Djaq: "Shall we sleep?"

Robin: "Of course."

Much: "Good night, Master."

Robin: "Night, gang."

silence

Much: "Is counting cows as effective as counting sheep?"


	5. Marian pays a visit

**This conversation is less giggle-worthy. More pointless, fluffy RobinMarian and WillDjaq.**

John: "Djaq?"

Djaq: "Yes, John?"

John: "Um. I sharpened the blade for tomorrow."

Djaq: "Which blade would that be?"

John: "The small one. The one I shave my beard with."

Djaq: "Oh." (yawns)

silence

Djaq: "Are you offering me the blade to trim my own beard?"

(Robin laughs)

John: "No."

Djaq: "I know what you were implying. I was wondering, actually, whether I should cut my hair again or – or not."

John: "Oh?"

silence

(camp entrance creaks)

Will: "Guess who we found -"

Much: "Riding about the forest in the _middle of the night_."

Marian: "I'm sorry, Much. I should be more careful next time."

Robin: "Marian?"

Will: "The one and only."

Much: "Do come inside, It's a chilly night, please! Here, I'll feed the fire a bit -"

Marian: "That's very kind of you..."

Will: "Mind the stool."

Marian: "Good evening, Robin of Locksley. Wrapped in blankets already?"

Robin: "It _is_ cold tonight."

Marian: "So I've experienced."

Robin: "Join me."

silence

Robin: "Comfortable?"

Marian: "Yes."

silence

Marian: "So, what were the outlaws discussing tonight?"

Robin: "Djaq's haircuts."

Djaq: "Robin -"

Robin: "Ow."

Djaq: "Just be quiet."

silence

Marian: "Your hair is growing rather quickly, Djaq."

Djaq: "One could say so..."

Marian: "I suggest you leave it."

Djaq: "Just leave it?"

Marian: "In my opinion. It suits you."

Will: "Leave who?"

Much: "They're just talking about womanly matters. Nothing concerning us..."

Will: "Oh."

Robin: "Nothing concerning us...Right."

Much: "Here it comes -"

Marian: "Does everything concern you, Robin?"

Robin: "I didn't say anything."

Marian: "You just rolled your eyes. I saw."

Robin: "Well, the actions women take are often regarding men's opinions. That's all I'm saying."

(Djaq snorts)

Marian: "Oh, really?"

Robin: "I'm sure you wondered what I'd think of this dress you're wearing before you came riding into the forest tonight."

silence

Marian: "Grow up."

Robin: "As you wish."

silence

Robin: "That is a very flattering dress, Marian. It compliments you."

silence

Marian: "Thank you."

silence

Much: "Master?"

Robin: "What."

Much: "Have you seen my new boots, today? I stitched the leather myself."

Robin: "Congratulations."

silence

Will: "I saw your boots, Much. They look good."

Much: "They do, don't they? I'm rather proud of them! See, my toe doesn't stick out of these ones."

Marian: "I thought I'd tell you, while I'm here, that Allan helped me hide the cart."

Robin: "Allan?"

John: "The traitor is helping us, now?"

Marian: "Well, it looks like it."

Robin: "Looks are deceiving..."

Djaq: "Why are we so appearance-orientated today?"

John: "What?"

Djaq: "You and your beard. Marian and her dress. Robin was complaining about his arms, earlier..."

Robin: "And you and your hair."

silence

Marian: "We must not dwell on personal appearances."

John: "Aye."

Robin: "There's the Marian I love..."

Marian: "We must worry about our country and not our beards."

Djaq: "On that note, I will sleep. Tomorrow beckons more ideas and more herbal supplies. I need to rest."

Marian: "Good night, Djaq."

silence

Will: "Night."

Djaq: "Good night."

Will: "Don't cut your hair."

Djaq: "Pardon?"

Will: "I said – good night."


	6. Allan drops by I

Allan: "I'm here to warn you, alright? I'm trying to help."

Will: "Help us with what?"

Robin: "You've got some nerve showing yourself in our camp."

John: "Traitor!"

Will: "What d'you want, Allan?"

Robin: "Gisborne not fed you enough? You want some of our chicken, too?"

Allan: "'Ang on, put your bows down".

Robin: "Fine."

silence

Allan: "Thass better."

silemce

John: "Well...?"

Allan: "Not being funny, but I'm trying to help you."

Robin: "By sneaking into our camp in the middle of the night?"

Allan: "Marian told me to get rid of Giz in the evening and go to the forest -"

Robin: "_Marian_ sent you?"

Allan: "Yeah, actually."

Will: "What is it, then?"

Allan: "The Sheriff is going absolutely nuts over the pact. He's sending troups into the forest in the morning. I thought I'd let you know and -"

silence

Robin: "And what?"

Allan: "And, well, I thought I'd 'elp."

John: "Help?"

Will: "How can we trust you?"

Allan: "C'mon, don't be like this. We're brothers, right? We shook on it and everythin' -"

silence

Allan: "Djaq?"

Robin: "You've been quiet."

silence

Djaq: "When one has nothing to say, one keeps their mouth shut."

Allan: "You believe me right? I'm trying to help you."

(Will scoffs)

silence

Allan: "You believe me?"

silence

Djaq: "I believe you, Allan."

Robin: "She's speaks as the minority."

silence

Will: "Where are you going?"

Djaq: "I'm going for a walk. I need to clear my head. Make yourself comfortable, Allan, if you're really going to fight the troups in the morning."

John: "He's staying with us?"

Robin: "Yes."

(camp entrance creaks)

Allan: "Right! Well, this is nice, innit?"

Will: "Don't get too comfy."

Allan: "Like old times."

Robin: "Quiet. You'll wake Much."

Allan: "Oh, sorry -"

silence

Allan: "'Ello!"

Much: "Mmffh. Woah - What's _he_ doing here!?"

Robin: "Long story, my friend."

Will: "We have troups to handle in the morning. Marian sent him."

Much: "Oh, great. Just _great_. I fall asleep for two seconds and we've already got more problems on our hands by the time I wake up. Brilliant."

Allan: "Oh, cheer up."

Much: "What should I be cheery about?"

Allan: "I'm _back_. Just like the old times, yeah."

Robin: "Just for tonight."

silence

Allan: "So - who missed me? Ey? _Ey?_"

silence

Allan: "You're all a bunch of corpses since I've been gone."

silence

John: "Stop humming."

Allan: "Sorry, I'm just in a good mood."

John: "Stop."

Allan: "I can't help myself – _I'll tell you of the women in Clun, just a little tune and I'm done_ -"

Robin: "What song are you singing?"

Allan: "_With rosy cheeks and red lips and skin so smooth an' fair_ -"

Robin: (snorts) "Oh, I see."

Allan: "_Big birds, little birds and ones with golden hair_ -"

Much: "You changed the words, Allan."

Allan: "_They don't put up a fight if you kiss them through the night_ -"

(Robin laughs)

Allan: "_You'll hold them til' first light, their dresses fit so tight _-"

John: "Alright. Enough."

Robin: "No, continue singing, Allan. It's good for the soul."

Allan: "_Which bird would you pick? Close your eyes and grab a stick_ -"

Much: "Grab a stick?"

Allan: "A_nd the perfect bird you'll prod, you lucky sod_ -"

(Will laughs)

Allan: "_She'll be the one for you_ -"

Robin: "Really?"

Allan: "Yeah."

Will: "I don't know if Marian would be best pleased if you went round waving a stick at her, Robin."

Robin: "Oh, she'd be too thrilled to see me. Stick or no stick."

(John snorts.)

Much: "Is that why John carries a stick?"

silence

Much: "Ow."

silence

Allan: "How _did_ you meet Alice, anyways?"

John: "Me?"

Allan: "Yeah – you."

John: "Oh. I ripped my doublet. I didn't know how to sew."

Robin: "Typical."

John: "And Alice fixed it."

Allan: "Oh, love at first sight was it?"

John: "Yes."

(Robin laughs)

Allan: "What are _you _laughin' at, Robin of Locksley?"

Much: "Yes, Master. It's a bit dangerous considering, guess who's going to be asked next -"

Will: "I need to go outside."

Allan: "Oh, no you don't."

Will: "I need to relieve myself."

Allan: "Not bein' funny, but you're not relieving yourself from my conversations, wood boy."

Will: "You as well? Why does everybody call me _wood boy_?"

Robin: "Well, me and Marian were betrothed."

Allan: "I knew that."

Robin: "And we were very close, until I left for the Holy Land."

Allan: "How close?"

silence

Allan: "Did you get to know each other in the barns?"

Robin: "Allan – she was a noble noble. We did nothing of the sort."

Much: "A noble noble!"

Robin: "She's a noble, but a _noble_ one, too."

Allan: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm bored, mate."

(Robin laughs)

Allan: "So...Will."

Will: "What?"

Allan: "Hows about you tell us about your romantic relationships."

John: "Allan. No more."

Allan: "Not bein' funny, but I'm curious. I've been gone _all_ this time – I have no idea what's been goin' on this camp between my mates..."

Robin: "Well, nothing. As far as I can see."

Much: "_Actually_, I was thinking -"

Robin: "Shut up."

Much: "Sorry. I mean – there is nothing suspicious or bee-related in this camp. No honey expeditions. No axe-sharpening by the lake. No suspicious trips whatsoever."

Robin: (groans) "Oh Much."

Will: "I don't know what you're goin' on about."

Allan: "Alright."

John: "The end."

silence

Allan: "Where is she anyways?"

Will: "She's just gone for a walk. Back soon."

Allan: "_Aha!_"

(Robin laughs)

Will: "What?"

Allan: "How did you know who I was talkin' about?"

Will: "What?"

Allan: "You were thinkin' about her."

Robin: "Allan, stop. You're going to upset the poor boy."

Much: "Go on, John. Say it! 'Upsetting Will, we do not do'."

John: "Shut up."

Much: "Say it!"

(Allan laughs)

Will: "Will you all just shut up?"

silence

Allan: "Alright, wood boy."

silence

Much: "Teach me that song, will you Allan?"

Allan: "The 'women of Clun'?"

Much: "Yes."

Allan: "_I'll tell you of the women in Clun, just a little tune and I'm done_ -"

(camp entrance creaks)

Allan: "Oh, you're back."

Djaq: "Singing with your old friends, I see?"

Allan: "Yeah. We're chums, now."

Will: "Right."

Robin: "Feeling better, Djaq?"

Djaq: "Yes. Thank you for asking, Robin."

Much: "...How noble _noble_ of you..."

(Robin laughs)

silence

Allan: "Could I have a blanket?"

Robin: "Excuse me, Allan?"

Allan: "Not bein' funny but I'm going to be here 'til dawn."

Much: "Dawn?"

(Djaq groans)

Will: "Here."

Allan: "Cheers."

Much: "I want it back when you're gone. I knitted it myself."

Allan: "Alright, don't get your knickers in a twist."

silence

Robin: "You know, traitor. Ever since you left – we've been replenishing a lot of lost sleep."

Allan: "Wow, did I keep you lot up?"

Robin: "Yes. Like now."

Allan: "So sorry, mate."

silence

Djaq: "Stop grinning, Allan A' Dale."

Allan: "I'm not."

**'Allan's drop by' continues in the next chapter...**

**Any more ideas for conversation topics?**


	7. Allan drops by II

Silence

Allan: "Anyone hungry?"

Robin: "Allan, Christ said – 'let the sleeping lie'. I intend to obey the lord and sleep."

Allan: "Christ also said - 'feed the hungry'."

Robin: "That he did. Good night, traitor."

(John snores)

Allan: "Not bein' funny but I'm starving, riding all the way from the castle to save your backsides..."

Will: "Robin, make him shut up."

Robin: "Allan. D'you see this?"

Allan: "What? An axe?"

Robin: "That axe will meet your face if you don't be quiet."

Allan: "I'd happily take that axe and go huntin' if it wasn't so dark."

Djaq: "Check the kitchen, I think we have some left over bread."

Allan: "Cheers, Djaq."

silence

Will: "That's out breakfast."

Djaq: "Do you want him to stop complaining or not?"

silence

Allan: "Mmh. Not bad..."

Robin: (sighs) "And Judas finishes our food."

Allan: "Judas likes your bread. Got any more?"

Robin and Djaq: "No."

silence

Allan: "This is my body..."

Djaq: "What is he doing?"

Robin: "He's quoting the Last Supper."

Djaq: "Oh, I always forget about your Christian traditions."

Allan: "This tradition, Djaq, is before Jesus died..."

Djaq: "Ah, yes. The bread symbolizes his body, yes?"

Allan: "Yeah...'ere, this is Christ's blood..."

Robin: "No, that's our _wine_. Don't touch it."

Allan: "I'm thirsty!"

silence

Allan: "Ere, Djaq, I can't remember you drinking wine."

Djaq: "I do if I must."

Allan: "But Saracens don't drink, do they?"

Djaq: "I drink ale – which is weaker. Although, Muslims are forbidden to touch it. One has to, sometimes, as the ale is healthier than the water in the forest."

Allan: "Ah, yeah."

silence

Allan: "Ere, Djaq, feel like gettin' tipsy?"

Robin: "Allan! Dawn is only a few hours away. Get your hands off our wine and go back to your bunk."

Allan: "Alright, alright."

silence

Allan: "Who's that?"

silence

Robin: "Allan? Are you alright?"

Allan: "I'm fine."

Robin: "Who's groaning?"

Allan: "I can 'ear it too. Hang on, where are _you_ off to?"

Djaq: "Shh. Calm down, I'm just getting out of my bunk."

Robin: "Djaq, what's wrong?"

Djaq: "Nothing. Both of you go back to sleep."

silence

Allan: (whispers) "Psst. Robin."

Robin: "Mmmh."

Allan: "What's goin' on?"

Robin: "Djaq's got it sorted."

Allan: "Got _what _sorted?"

Djaq: "Be quiet, both of you. He's just fallen into a peaceful sleep."

Allan: "Who?"

Robin: "Will."

silence

Allan: "Is Will...alright?"

Djaq: "Yes."

Allan: "What was wrong?"

Djaq: "He was having a nightmare."

Allan: "Oh."

silence

Allan: "Does he get 'em a lot?"

Djaq: "He always did. But the rest of you men were always very deep sleepers, only I ever hear him."

Allan: "Ah."

silence

Allan: "That was nice of you."

Djaq: "Pardon?"

Allan: "That was nice of you – to help him."

silence

Djaq: "Allan."

Allan: "Yeah?"

Djaq: "You're _lonely_. You're so obviously lonely. I find it rather amusing, too, considering you are the reason behind your loneliness."

Allan: "I'm not lonely. I'm just, well, confused. I was confused. Maybe I still am -"

Djaq: (laughs) "Shut up."

silence

Allan: "I wouldn't mind someone calmin' me down when I get bad dreams."

silence

Allan: "The castle's a lonely place. Some of the guards are alright to chat to, y'know. But -"

Djaq: "You miss the camp."

Allan: "Obviously. I miss the gang."

Djaq: "You miss us."

Allan: "Yeah. I miss Much's fussing and your disgusting tonic things."

silence

Allan: "I miss you."

Djaq: "I miss you, too. Now, I think we should salvage the small amount of sleep we have left before the troups arrive at dawn."

Allan: "Yeah. Night."

Djaq: "Good night."

Allan: "See you in the mornin'."


	8. Clear and bright

Robin: "Ow."

Djaq: "Stop moving."

Robin: "Djaq, what is that? It really stings..."

Djaq: "Cow's blood and salt."

Robin: "Ow."

Much: "_Aha!_ Salt and wounds. Oh, the irony..."

Djaq: "Robin, keep still."

Robin: "This treatment hurts more than the second that guard stabbed me."

Will: "But you never get hurt."

Much: "It happens; you should have seen the infection from the wound in Acre."

Will: "Was it bad?"

Much: "_Fatal_."

(silence)

Djaq: "Robin, I told you -"

Robin: "Alright, alright."

Much: "Master, the more you wriggle the more the wound will hurt."

(silence)

Robin: "Ow."

Djaq: "Nearly finished, now. Just one more dab..."

Robin: "Djaq – ow - stop!"

Djaq: "There. Honestly, you men are such babies."

John: "Not all men. Just Robin."

Robin: "Cheers."

Djaq: "I'm sure. Now, who else was injured?"

Much: "I have a bruise on my -"

Djaq: "Much. No."

(silence)

John: "Will."

Will: "Yeah?"

(silence)

John: "Your eyes."

Much: "Urgh! It looks like you have been stung by a thousand wasps."

Will: "They're just a bit swollen. It'll go down."

Djaq: "Let me see it."

Will: "No. It's nothing."

Much: "I saw the hilt going into your nose, Will. It'll be _broken_."

Djaq: "You won't be able to see unless the swelling is reduced. Come here -"

Will: "No."

(silence)

Djaq: "I can simply drain the fluid. You won't feel a thing, Will, I assure you."

Will: "I'm fine."

(silence)

Much: "Master, what is the matter with him?"

Robin: "I think we'll find out quite soon."

(silence)

Robin: "Will you pass me the quiver, Will?"

Will: "Here."

(silence)

Robin: "No, it's on your left."

Will: "Oh, yeah."

(silence)

Will: "Is this is it?"

(John laughs)

Much: "You're blind!"

Will: "I'm not blind."

John: "Lad, you can't see a thing."

Robin: "Will, I suggest you allow our physician to treat your enormous eyelids or you will have to feel your way around this camp."

(silence)

Djaq: "Here – sit."

Will: "Why?"

Djaq: "I'm just going to make a small incision in the skin and the fluid will drain away. It won't take long, I assure you."

(silence)

Djaq: "Don't worry. It's perfectly painless."

Will: "I know."

(silence)

Djaq: "Well...?"

Will: "Nothin'."

(silence)

Djaq: "Will, come forward slightly or I won't be able to -"

Will: "Allan's hurt."

(silence)

Djaq: "Erm. Yes, Will. He's injured."

Robin: "Gisbourne's taking care of him; I wouldn't worry about that."

(silence)

Djaq: "I can't treat Allan, Will. But I'm going to treat_ you_, so close your eyes -"

Will: "But you would if you could."

Djaq: "Pardon?"

(silence)

Djaq: "Yes. I would."

Will: "Even though he betrayed us."

Djaq: "That is true, but he _did_ just assist us."

Will: "Does that change everythin'?"

Much: "Right! Firewood. Yes, I think I'll fetch the firewood..."

Djaq: "No, not everything can be changed in an instant."

Robin: "It's a long road to retribution, my friends."

John: "Aye."

Will: "But where do his loyalties lie?"

(silence)

Will: "Would he deserve to have his wounds stitched?"

Robin: "...I think that is another matter."

Djaq: "Of course he does."

Will: "Really?"

Much: "Oh, Lord..."

Djaq: "I am a physician, I do not think about what mistakes a patient has made -"

Will: "It wasn't just a mistake."

Robin: "It was a choice he made."

Much: "Master..."

Will: "He chose to betray us."

(silence)

Djaq: "Allan did not choose to betray his friends."

(Will snorts)

Djaq: "He just gave in – he was tortured. You know Allan A' Dale better than I, he would never intend directly harm us."

Will: "You seem to know him better than the rest of us."

(silence)

Djaq: "Meaning?"

(silence)

Robin: "Well, Much? The firewood?"

Much: "Yes. Firewood! Yes, I'm on it."

(silence)

Djaq: "I don't understand, Will."

Much: "Nobody understands anything, today! How about we stop arguing and simply prepare for supper, hmm?"

Will: "It's not that hard to see."

Djaq: "Is it not?"

Will: "No."

(silence)

Will: "You and Allan, I mean, you were close."

Djaq: "So I'd always excuse him, you're saying."

(silence)

Will: "Forget it. It's nothin'."

Djaq: "Let me at least make the incision in your eyelid, so at least you can see everything more clearly."

(silence)

Djaq: "He'd never trust me to do this. Allan, I mean."

Will: "What? Never let you stick a knife in his eye."

(Djaq laughs)

Will: "He wasn't used to trusting anybody else."

Djaq: "Yes, he was accustomed to being alone."

Will: "But he had us."

Djaq: "He still does."

(silence)

Robin: "Too far."

Djaq: "Hmm?"

Robin: "He's still Gisbourne's dogsbody. We're not going to give him cuddles, willy-nilly."

(silence)

Will: "I'm sorry."

Djaq: "Don't be. It was difficult seeing him again, Will. It was tough for all of us, in fact."

(silence)

Much: "Better?"

Will: "Yeah. Much better."

Robin: "So, how does it feel?"

Will: "Good. Everything's a lot...clearer."


	9. Men and their issues

(camp entrance creaks)

John: "Oh. We have a guest."

Marian: "Good evening, Little John. I just came to inform you -"

Robin: " - About the castle plans."

John: "Ah."

Much: "Ah?_ Ah_? This is not simply hide and peek – this is going to require so much work, I can sense the terrible escapes routes already! Oh, just the thought is making my palms burn -"

Robin: "And your stomach rumble."

(Marian laughs)

John: "What do we have to do?"

Robin: "Well, gang, our dear Gisbourne has been seen with a certain visitor from Cyprus, our Lady Marian tells us."

John: "Cyprus?"

Much: "We passed it on our crusades, actually. They make excellent shish kebabs, in fact."

Robin: "It'll most likely be a black knight."

Marian: "Or perhaps not, I don't believe the Sheriff is planning to make his acquaintance, actually."

Robin: "What?"

Marian: "He seems to be a personal friend of Guy's."

Robin: "Oh, that changes things."

Marian: "How?"

Robin: "A personal friend of Guy's, is he?"

Much: "Master..."

Robin: "Then he's definitely trouble."

Marian: "Honestly, Guy is not the Sheriff. He is capable of being cordial, I'll have you know."

Robin: "Pfff. Cordial, I bet."

Marian: "I beg your pardon?"

(silence)

Robin: "What did I say?"

Marian: "You were just puffing and grunting like a boar and mumbled something under your breath."

Robin: "Congratulations, you know how to spot my temper."

Marian: "I'll have you know, I can spot your tempers acres away."

Robin: "Yet you decide to call our enemies 'lovely' and 'cordial'."

Marian: "I didn't say he was 'lovely'. That was your temper talking, just now."

(silence)

Robin: "D'you know what my temper says now?"

Marian: "Let me guess – you want me to join you and your pack of wolves in the forest."

Much: "Pack of wolves?"

John: "You do howl a lot."

Robin: "No, actually, I wanted to say something else."

Marian: "Go on."

(silence)

Robin: "I can't remember."

Marian: "Rubbish!"

(John laughs)

Robin: "It was quite important. Now my mind is blank."

Marian: "It'd be slightly dangerous, Robin of Locksley, if you strung an arrow and forgot how to shoot it in the middle of battle."

Robin: "You _are_ quite distracting."

(silence)

Marian: "Be quiet."

Robin: "Not a sound."

Marian: "Stop grinning."

Robin: "I'm not."

(silence)

Robin: "Much?"

Much: "I heard of a man, when I was working in the mills, who had joined the great wilderness in the night of no moon..."

Robin: "Stop the wolf-talk. Where are the rest of the gang?"

Much: "Oh, well John's right here. Will was doing rounds in Locksley -"

John: "Djaq is in Nettlestone, picking dresses."

Marian: "Dresses?"

Robin: "Disguises are needed to infiltrate the castle. Allan has made sure that the other routes have been securely blocked."

John: "Thank you, traitor..."

Much: "Well, thanks to our lady, we have bread for all – if you'd please rip this loaf into portions, John -"

Robin: "Supper for the outlaws? How _very_ generous of you. Did Guy bake this?"

Marian: "Grow up."

(silence)

John: "It's getting dark."

Marian: "Shall I take my horse and scan the forest?"

Robin: "They can handle themselves."

Much: "Master, perhaps -"

Robin: "They'll be together."

Much: "But, they went to separate villages."

(silence)

John: "They will have found each other on the way back."

Marian: "Of course."

(silence)

Marian: "I could spare Djaq a dress, if you really needed disguises."

Much: "That wouldn't be a good idea – you know how she moans about tripping over the long hems and how English women are so tall..."

(Robin snorts)

Marian: "Ah, I see."

(silence)

John: "I hear them."

(camp entrance creaks)

Djaq: "Marian."

Marian: "Evening, both of you."

Will: "Evening."

Djaq: "Are you here to warn us, again?"

Marian: "Indeed."

Much: "And to provide us with bread! – Here -"

Will: "We have the disguises."

Marian: "Good."

Djaq: "And judging by the way Robin is avoiding your eyes..."

Marian: "Yes, he has a temper."

(Djaq chuckles)

Will: "So, bread?"

Much: "Here – This piece -"

(silence)

Robin: "I'd like to be clear about something, while you're here."

Marian: "What would that be?"

Robin: "I think it would be wise if you wore your cloak properly."

Djaq (whispers): "His stupidity never fails to surprise me."

Will (whispers): "Yeah. Here it comes."

Marian: "What specifically do you mean by that? Are you hinting at my clothing?"

Robin: "Well a certain _Guy_ could be hinting at your clothing."

Marian: "Robin of Locksley, I don't know how you dare -"

Robin: "You are a woman alone in a castle full of vile men. Do you expect me to be unwary?"

Marian: "I expect you to – to _respect_ me and not make accusations!"

Robin: "Respect my wishes, then."

(silence)

Marian: "Your temper speaks volumes."

Robin: "Hmm. How about my words?"

Marian: "They're...painful."

(silence)

Marian: "Well, I do believe my visit has ended."

John: "Lass, wait -"

Marian: "Good night, to all of you."

Robin: "I've done it again."

Marian: "Yes, you have."

(camp entrance creaks)

John: "Robin..."

Robin: "I know."

Much: "Master, then why? Why do you say things that you know you do not mean?"

Robin: "You know why, my friend."

(silence)

Djaq: "Love, love, love."

(Robin snorts)

Djaq: "Why be a fool when you could fall in love?"

Will: " - What?"

Djaq: "In fact, you are more foolish if you do not remind a person that they are loved."

John: "Aye."

Robin: "I'll go."

Djaq: "Good idea."

(camp entrance creaks)

John: "You're more of a fool if you don't tell a person at all."

Much: "How interesting..."

Djaq: "I agree."

(John laughs)

Will: "Right."

(silence)

Much: "So, Djaq. I'm incredibly bored. What exactly has our Holy Land mistress brought from Nettlestone's market?"

Djaq: "If you're so interested – here."

Much: "Oh. It just looks like red material, to be perfectly honest."

John: "It looks different on a person."

Will: "Right."

Much: "When the dress is worn on a woman's, well,_ body_ and sits properly, well – not sits, but kind of clings. No! Not _clings. _I mean – It would fit in a such a way that it would curve. Oh, Lord, curve? No. No...It would attach? It – it – I – I mean, it _accentuates_..."

Djaq: "I didn't think you men would have so much of an opinion on these matters."

John: "Allan wore one. "

Much: "And it looked quite – unusual."

John: "On a lad."

(Djaq laughs)

John: "Try it on."

Djaq: "If you insist. I'll just be a minute -"

(curtain dragged across)

Much: "Done?"

Djaq: "For the love of Allah, this isn't simply a shirt. It's complicated, Much."

Much: "Oh."

(silence)

Much: "Womanly matters seem to be such a hassle. Thank God I'm a man, don't you think, John?"

John: "Aye. You'd make a terrible lass."

(screen dragged across)

Djaq: "There you go, this is it."

(silence)

John: "You look nice, lass."

Much: "Yes."

Djaq: "But, I struggled doing the knot at the back of the dress – if one of you could, please?"

(silence)

Will: "Oh. 'Course.

Djaq: "Thank you. It's just a small tie at the back, here."

Will: "...Sure..."

(John chuckles quietly)

Djaq: "That's it."

Will: "Just a bow?"

Djaq: "Yes."

Will: "W-what is it?"

Djaq: "Nothing. Your hands are cold, that is all."

Will: "Sorry."

(camp entrance creaks)

Robin: "It's dress-up time, I see."

Marian: "Somebody looks beautiful. Let me take a look...Would you turn around for me?"

Robin: "Good disguise. How about the coats for the rest of us?"

Djaq: "They're in the sack, here."

(Marian laughs)

Djaq: "What is it...?"

Marian: "Did you tie the back of the dress, yourself?"

Will: "Er -"

Djaq: "No, no. Will Scarlet would be the culprit."

Marian: "Honestly. Men."

Robin: "Excuse me? I thought we ended this argument."

(silence)

Robin: "Erm. Djaq, by the way, I believe that a cloak would suit the shoulders of that dress."

Marian and Djaq: "_Men_."

Robin: "I'm just saying!"


	10. Secure arms

Robin: "Must you toss and turn, Marian?"

(silence)

Robin: "Marian, stop fidgeting."

Marian: "...What _have_ you hidden under here? Letters, arrow shafts! And -"

Robin: "Don't move them."

Marian: "Why on earth have you got a market beneath your pillow, Robin of Locksley?"

Robin: "They contain sentimental value."

Marian: "Of course."

Robin: "I'm having a difficult time sleeping down here without them."

Marian: "Is that so? Well, here -"

Robin: "I'd rather sleep on the bunk, but thank you."

Marian: "Honestly."

(silence)

Marian: "More lumps? What do we have here...?...I'm sure I've seen this brooch somewhere before -"

(silence)

Marian: "This is _my_ brooch."

Robin: "You left it, I was simply saving it for you."

Marian: "Under your pillow?"

Robin: "Yes, under my pillow..."

(silence)

Marian: "You may keep it."

(silence)

Robin: "Now, if you've finished huffing and fussing, I'd like to catch some sleep."

Marian: "Sweet dreams."

(silence)

Marian: "Where are you going?"

Will: "Nothing. Just gettin' some water."

Marian: "There's some in the jug, there."

Robin: "...Marian, shh."

Marian: "Oh, just fall asleep and you won't hear a thing."

Robin: "The object is to fall asleep! - Something I cannot do whilst your chatting away in the middle of the night -"

John: "Robin. HUSH."

Robin: "Me?"

Marian: "Yes, you. Now, be quiet."

(silence)

Will: "D'you, er, want more blankets?"

Marian: "That's kind of you, but I'm perfectly fine, Will."

Will: "Alright."

Marian: "Hmm. Much looks so calm when he's asleep..."

Will: "Yeah."

Marian: "So does Robin, I suppose."

(silence)

Will: "When he's not having his nightmares."

Marian: "He has them often?"

Will: "Less now, than before."

Marian: "Oh."

(silence)

Will: "Sometimes he dreams of you."

(silence)

Marian: "Why don't you move her over?"

Will: "What?"

Marian: "The poor girl's fallen asleep at the table."

(silence)

Will: "I'll give her a blanket, or something. She always falls asleep in the middle of reading -"

Marian: "Or I could help you lift her onto her bunk, If you wish."

Will: "No. It's alright."

(silence)

Will: "She'll wake up."

Marian: "Yes, I suppose she would be delicate sleeper, like Robin."

Will: "Yeah."

(silence)

Marian: "Are you going to stand there all night?"

Will: "Oh - right, Night."

Marian: "Good night, Master Scarlet."

Will: "Erm. By the way, Marian, I hope you're – comfortable here. With us."

(silence)

Marian: "I am."

(silence)

Marian: "But - It is still – I feel, it is, I don't know – different. I haven't completely adjusted to waking up without paying a visit to the dungeons."

(silence)

Will: "He was proud of you."

Marian (laughs): "I don't know how a father can be so proud of such an insolent daughter."

Will: "But you always stuck by him."

(silence)

Marian: "Will, you were fighting for England. Your father knew that -"

Will: "I just left him."

(silence)

Marian: "No, you didn't. Dan Scarlet loved Locksley, and he was so proud to hear that - because of you - the people we being fed. You didn't just abandon his wishes."

Will: "Yeah. S'pose."

(silence)

Marian: "Good night."

Will: "Night, Marian."

- --

Djaq: "Mmmh. Good morning."

Much: "Morning, Djaq! I hope you're not too displeased with burned eggs – that was Marian's effort."

Djaq: "Mmmh...Alright. Hmm? How did I end up here? I thought I fell asleep over the book -"

Much: "You did."

Djaq: "I must have walked back to my bunk half-asleep, I suppose."

Much: "Maybe you did...Maybe you didn't. Or maybe you had a little help from a pair of skinny arms..."

(silence)

Much: "You never know."

(silence)

Djaq: "What is it?"

Much: "Nothing!"

(silence)

Djaq: "Did I sleep walk?"

(Much laughs)


	11. We meet again

Allan: "Why are you lot so quiet?"

(silence)

Robin: "You just had to drag him along..."

Marian: "Give him a chance, please. Allan, shush, John's having his evening nap."

Robin: "But, why?"

Allan: "Come on! I'm Lady Marian's private guard, you see."

Marian: " - Guy offered me a chaperone -"

Robin: "Getting a bit suspicious, is he?"

Marian: "Yes. Very."

Robin: "I suppose that scarf around your neck could raise a few questions..."

Marian: "Quiet, Robin."

Allan: "Wooo, do my eyes deceive me? Are you cookin'?"

Djaq: "Shut up."

Allan: "Honestly, I didn't think I'd ever see the day -"

Djaq: "Shut up, please."

(silence)

Marian: "Hmm. A walk?"

Robin: "Fine idea."

(camp entrance creaks)

Djaq: "One finds it a lot easier to concentrate when their friend isn't gawping whilst they work."

Allan: "I wasn't gawpin'."

Djaq: "You resemble a fish."

Allan: "Yeah, alright, I 'aven't seen many fish in my day with...Did you jus' call me a friend?"

(silence)

Djaq: "It was a slip of the tongue."

Allan: "Oh, that tongue slipped alright...I knew you'd forgive me!"

Djaq: "I forgave you on your last visit."

(silence)

Allan: "So what's all this about?"

Djaq: "Pardon?"

Allan: "You. Pretending I don't exist...even though I'm forgiven. Why can't I be forgiven and _noticed_ at the same time?"

Djaq: "Quite greedy, for a traitor."

Allan: "Actually, the saying is – beggars can't be choosers."

Djaq: "Indeed."

(silence)

Allan: "I want it to be like old times."

Djaq: "We have talked about this."

Allan: "Righ'."

(silence)

Djaq: "Redemption costs a lot more than my words. I pitied you, that is all."

Allan: "Not bein' funny, but if that's all, then I reckon I don't need you. Yeah - I don't want your pity, Djaq."

Djaq: "So why are you here?"

(silence)

Allan: "...You 'ave to wait until the water's bubblin'."

Djaq: "I do not need your advice on these matters, Allan A'Dale."

Allan: "Who are you, John? You don't want to eat your food raw, for God's sake."

Djaq: "You stroll into our camp, when we were so content without you and your stupid..."

Allan: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't need me, I got it the first time."

(silence)

Allan: "Not bein' funny, but it doesn't look like you've eaten in months."

(silence)

Djaq: "You're wrong. We've had plenty food since your absence."

Allan: "All uncooked, I see..."

Djaq: "Shut up."

Allan: "Why bother sayin' it? You know my gob has a mouth and legs of it's own, it couldn't shut up if it tried."

(Djaq snorts)

Allan: "Oh, tryin' to hold in a laugh, eh?"

(silence)

Allan: "..._Djaq_..."

(silence)

Allan: "_Djaq_..."

(silence)

Allan: "_Hooey_..."

(silence)

Allan: "_...Hooey..._"

Djaq: "Allan A'Dale! For the love of Allah, shut up or else I will gauge your eyes out and feed them to the Sheriff's birds."

John: "That's disgusting."

Allan: "Had a good nap, John?"

(silence)

Allan: "Ah, you're ignorin' me, too?"

Djaq: "Supper is being prepared."

John: "Good."

(silence)

Allan: "Ere, John, pretend it's not the traitor talking...Pretend I'm a talkin' rabbit or somethin', and listen 'ere...Look inside that pot."

(silence)

Allan: "It's not boilin' properly, is it?"

Djaq: "It is. John, please tell him. Or, even better, clout him with your staff."

John: "...It needs more time."

Allan: "You see? It ain't fit for eatin', yet. You're supposed to be the brains around 'ere, Djaq, _honestly_."

Djaq: "Not yet, perhaps. I'll leave it to boil, it will be perfectly edible in a little while."

John: "In time."

Djaq: "Yes."

Allan: "It's all that double-meanin' talk, isn't it? _In time_...Allan will be part of the gang, again..."

Djaq: "Don't hold your breath."

(camp entrance creaks)

Robin: "Alright, traitor. Our Lady Marian needs her chaperone back."

Allan: "Alright, I'm comin'."

Robin: "No stops in the tavern, Allan. Straight to castle, alright?"

Allan: "Fine, fine!"

Marian: "I will see you soon."

Robin: "I'll make sure of it...Now, the horse is outside."

Djaq: "You didn't have any supper."

(silence)

Robin: "It's alright, Djaq. Gisbourne feeds him well."

(silence)

Allan: "Well, I did just help with the preparation of this meal and tha'..."

Marian: "We will stay."

(silence)

Robin: "You will? - Ow. Oh, right."

Marian: "Yes. Maybe for a little longer."

(silence)

Djaq: "It may take a while."

(silence)

Djaq: "We must wait for Much and Will, I mean."

Allan: "I don't mind waitin', if that's alright with you lot."

Robin: "I'm sure you don't."

Marian: "Shh."

Djaq: "It's fine. Just stop gawping, and I may spare you part of the lamb's leg."

Allan: "Mmh. It's startin' to look quite tasty..."

(silence)

Allan: "What? But the leg's the best part!"

(Djaq chuckles)

-- --


End file.
